He looked at the darkened sky. Thousands of clouds had gathered at a single spot.. Despite the noon, there wasn't a single trace of sunlight.. He closed his eyes tight. This will pass.. he told himself. This is just the phase. This will pass.
He was amidst the smiles and cheers of his loved ones.. Exactly what he had longed for.... But somewhere deep inside, there was a strange void. He didn't smile or mix up with his pals that day. He only sat in the corner, trying to figure out his exact feelings. He closed his eyes. This is just a phase, he told himself.. This will pass..
He always started his day early. A healthy early morning jog had always been his day starter. He loved the cool morning breeze. The chirping of birds early morning always made his day. Until that day, when didn't feel like waking up at all. He wondered what was wrong. He heard the birds chirping outside. He wanted to feel good, but what he came across was the same void.. I can't take this anymore, he thought.. but this is just a phase.. This will pass.. he told himself.
"You know you mean a lot to me.. How would I understand your problem if you don't speak it up.."
She sounded worried. He knew that his strange behavior was eating her from inside. She loved him. He loved her too. He knew that she deserved an explanation. He peeked deep through his own mind to comprehend his feelings. He found nothing in there. Only the strange void. How am I going to explain this emptiness to her ..he thought.. "This is just a phase dear", he told her instead. "This will pass."
By then the void had taken over him. There wasn't a specific reason.. He was doing pretty well in his life. Had a job he loved, the family that he cared for.. but the void that once occasionally popped it's head up had been a frequent visitor now a days. He could feel it engulfing his existence. He could feel the numbness taking over him. His disinterest had led to clashes with his close relationships. He was left alone. Alone with the sense of emptiness...
"This has to pass.." he screamed in agony. "I can't take this anymore.." this has to end".. he tried to end it.. The razor blade had almost punctured his blood vessels.. but he survived. He woke up on the hospital bed. "This should pass.." he told himself..
"This will definitely pass..until you know what exactly you are going through. What you are fighting is the clinical depression. It needs a proper treatment." His doctor told him.
"But there is nothing in my life to be depressed about.." he asked, confused.
" There isn't always a reason for depression. It's just a condition. An illness that needs treatment."
"You mean I am mentally ill. Do you think I am going crazy?"
"Suffering a mental condition doesn't always mean you're crazy. It's just a condition that has to be treated. This void that has been bothering you, you have to fill it up.. and you need a treatment for that..and believe me, this is just a phase.. this will pass.."
It seemed difficult in the beginning but now that he knew what he was going through, he decided to fight it off. She stood by his side like always. He went through a proper treatment. The phase will pass.. he always assured himself.. he had to make it pass..
A tinge of sunshine woke him up.. He looked at the sky. Thousands of clouds that had been hiding the sun all this while had disappeared.. He closed his eyes to comprehend what he felt.. The emptiness that had been bothering him was filling up.. filling up with the sense of joy.. The empty phase of his life had finally passed..
© Dr Aditee Joshi
